Chaos Mountain Mad Hopper

Name:  Mad Hopper
Brewery:  Chaos Mountain Brewing Company
Style:  IPA
Location:  Callaway, Virginia
Alcohol:  6.7%

Quotes:  "This is what I imagine melted horse hooves to taste like"  "You imagine a lot of weird shit"

Aroma:  6/10, Smells like hops
Appearance:  2/5, Very amber, low head.  A little like southern style sweet tea
Taste:  6/10, Hops in the front, malt in the middle, bitter in the tail.  Rabbit reference.
Palate:  2/5, Weak mouth feel, tiny bit acidic
Overall:  16/30

In closing:  Pretty decent for a hoppy beer from a small brewery.  Nice bottle art, drinkable IPA, almost session-esque if not for nearly 7% alcohol.

Good for:  Slow sippage on a football saturday and for fans of Alice in Wonderland.

Post Road Pumpkin Ale

Name:  Post Road Pumpkin Ale
Brewery:  Brooklyn Brewery
Style:  Pumpkin
Location:  Brooklyn, New York
Alcohol:  5%

Quotes:  "This might taste like pumpkin"

Aroma:  4/10, Not as strong of an aroma you might wish for with a pumpkin ale
Appearance:  2/5, About a one inch head atop murky pisswater
Taste:  3/10, Tastes like dead leaves strained into fresh piss
Palate:  3/5, Carbonation lasts
Overall:  12/30

In closing:  Chicks dig pumpkin beers this time of year.  The only way they'll be digging this one is if you bury it in the backyard.

Good for:  Burying in the backyard

Unibroue La Fin du Monde

Name:  La Fin du Monde
Brewery:  Unibroue
Style:  Abbey Tripel
Location:  Chambly, Canada
Alcohol:  9%

Quotes:  "Fuck. Is this good?"  "This tastes like banana peels dipped in motor oil but I might like it"

Aroma:  7/10, Rich smells of fruit, namely banana
Appearance:  2/5, Dull dark color, thick head.  A little murky and unattractive
Taste:  6/10, Full of many different flavors like banana and caramel with a bit of a toast and jam kick
Palate:  5/5, Good mouth feel.  Thick beer with full body.  Like Jennifer Lopez is in your mouth.
Overall:  20/30

In Closing:  My beer palate is probably undeserving of this beer.  I can tell it's good. I can tell it's appreciated by beer lovers.  I'm not in love with it but perhaps with a more refined palate, I can be.

Good for:  Pouring over pancakes.

Mythos

Name:  Mythos
Brewery:  Mythos Breweries
Style:  Pale Lager
Location:  Sindos, Greece
Alcohol:  4.7%

Quotes:  "I expected worse"

Aroma:  4/10, Light malt, light hop.  Light beer, what'd you expect?
Appearance:  3/5, Tall white head, clear golden pour.  Like piss.
Taste:  5/10, Not overly flavorful but what's there tastes good.
Palate:  3/5, Medium body, mildly fizzy
Overall:  15/30

In Closing:  A light beer from across the pond typically tastes better than any light beer you'll find mass marketed in the states and this one is no different.  The light hint of malts on the back end of it are very tasty.  The kind of beer you could chug in the hot sun and then throw up on a roller coaster.

Good for:  Tricking someone into drinking piss.

Omission Gluten Free Pale Ale

Name:  Omission Gluten Free Pale Ale
Brewery:  Widmer Brothers Brewing Company
Style:  American Pale Ale
Location:  Portland, Oregon
Alcohol:  5.8%

Quotes:  "People from Portland actually drink this shit?"  "I guess I prefer more gluten in my beer"

Aroma:  6/10, Hops, sugar, floral.  Smells pretty.
Appearance:  3/5, Hazy orange 
Taste:  3/10, Like a watery orange peel
Palate:  2/5, Like a watery orange peel
Overall:  13/30

In closing:  People who suffer from gluten intolerance would rather wallow in bread crumbs than put this swill to their lips.  Only hipsters who think they were into gluten free diets before being intolerant to gluten was cool even pretend to think this beer is worth not omitting.

Good for:  Deciding which of your friends are hipsters and which you should keep.

Oskar Blues Mama's Little Yella Pils

Name:  Mama's Little Yella Pils
Brewery:  Oskar Blues Brewery
Style:  Pilsner
Location:  Brevard, North Carolina
Alcohol:  5.3%

Quotes:  "Haha, Pils.  I get it"  "Mine tastes like bath soap."

Aroma:  5/10.  Grains.  Hops.  Nothing extraordinary.
Appearance:  3/5.  Looks good in a can.  Golden in a glass.
Taste:  7/10.  Crispy, malty.  Maltier than most Pilsners.
Palate:  2/5.  Not thrilling.  Very light.  Pilsnery.
Overall:  17/30

In closing:  This little hippy number is a pleasant surprise if you can track it down.  What it might lack as an overall beer, it gains by being a really good Pilsner.

Good for:  Hippies trying to impress other hippies or anyone who likes Rolling Stones references on their beer labels.

DuClaw Old Flame Ale

Name:  Old Flame Ale
Brewery:  DuClaw Brewing Company
Style:  Old Ale
Location:  Baltimore, Maryland
Alcohol:  7%

Quotes:  "This thing has no smell."  "I can smell it"  "No you can't"  "Just barely sniff"  "Ohhh.. oh yeah.. wait no, I still can't smell it"

Aroma:  3/10, I couldn't smell anything.  Others could sense light fruit.
Appearance:  3/5, Gold and maroonish
Taste:  6/10, Lightly bitter, bits of fruit and maybe caramel...?
Palate:  3/5, Medium body, crisp.  Felt like beer.
Overall:  15/30

In closing:  Certainly not an outstanding beer but very drinkable.  A good melding of flavors and perhaps worth trying it on tap instead of bottle.

Good for:  Those into artsy-font labels.

Devil's Backbone Vienna Lager

Name: Vienna Lager
Brewery:  Devil's Backbone Brewing Company
Style:  Vienna Lager
Location:  Roseland, Virginia
Alcohol:  4.9%

Quotes:  "Shit girl, this lager so smooth"

Aroma:  6/10, Smells a little like a fancy barn.
Appearance:  4/5, Light head, golden brown.  Like the tall guy from 300.
Taste:  7/10, Sweet malt, nothing overpowering.  Very delicious.
Palate:  4/5, Smoother than motor oil.
Overall:  21/30

In closing:  Not the best beer out there but pretty good for the local brewery responsible for Eight Point IPA.  If a friend brings this over, they're into trying new things and not taking great risks at the same time.

Good for:  Quantity and quality, simultaneous.

Peak Organic Amber Ale

Name: Peak Organic Amber Ale
Brewery: Shipyard Brewing Company
Style:  Amber Ale
Location:  Portland, Maine
Alcohol:  4.8%

Quotes:  "Hey"  "Yeah?"  "Did you pour water in this?"  "No, you poured your own beer"  "Yeah, so does 'organic' mean 'water'?"  "Apparently"

Aroma:  2/10, Smells like a musty humidor.
Appearance:  4/5, Looks way better than it tastes.  Frothy head, dark brown color.
Taste:  4/10, Not bad, not good.  Just boring.  My teeth have more flavor.
Palate:  2/5, No texture but light bitterness to finish.  Meh.
Overall:  12/30

In closing:  I think I thought it said "Peak Orgasmic" as I should have known right away that anything with the words "Organic" on it was meant to disappoint my mouth.  If someone brings this over to your place, judge them.

Good for:  Having a baseline for boring beer.

Abita Pecan Harvest Ale

Name:  Abita Pecan Harvest Ale
Brewery: Abita Brewing Company
Style:  Amber Ale
Location: Abita Springs, Louisiana
Alcohol:  5%

Quotes:  "Mmmmm, pie.  No, wait.  It doesn't taste like pie."  "I expected to vomit, but here we are."  "Weird.  The label says pecans are involved..."

Aroma:  3/10, Doesn't smell like pecans.  Disappointing.  But doesn't smell like dirt, so...
Appearance:  4/5, Good, thick head.  So amber it's almost orange, like this little chump.
Taste:  5/10, Kind of plain.  Doesn't smell like pecans, doesn't taste like pecans. Has a picture of a pecan on the label with the word "Pecan".  Lies.
Palate:  2/5, Pretty uninspiring.
Overall: 14/30

In closing:  Everything from the label to the color of this ale has you expecting pecans.  One sniff, one taste and you'll glance back at the label to make sure you didn't misread pecan as pecan't.  Har.  It's marketed as being one of few pecan beers made with actual pecans.  I guess actual pecans don't make beer taste like pecans.

Good for:  Testing your nut allergy without the aftertaste.

DuClaw Sweet Baby Jesus!

Name:  Sweet Baby Jesus!
Brewery:  DuClaw Brewing Company
Style: Porter
Location:  Baltimore, Maryland
Alcohol:  6.5%

Quotes:  "SWEET TITTY FUCKING BABY JESUS!" 

Aroma:  10/10, Smells like Reese's pieces
Appearance:  4/5, short head
Taste:  7/10, Chocolate and peanut butter.  Delicious.  But could have been better.
Palate:  3/5, A little dry but aight.
Overall:  24/30

In closing:  Chocolate and Peanut Butter are the best duo since Pippen-Jordan.  This Porter almost overwhelms the senses with the combination and if it only tasted as good as it smelled it would get more fan fare.  If you see this on a beer menu, try it. 

Good for:  People with Type-2 diabetes who have been missing out.