Third Shift Amber Lager

Name:  Third Shift Amber Lager
Brewery:  Coors Brewing Company (MillerCoors)
Style:  Amber Lager/Vienna
Location: Golden, Colorado
Alcohol:  5.3%

Quotes:  "Fuckin' A"  "Sweet like breast milk from a unicorn"  "I'll have another, please"

Aroma:  5/10, It doesn't have a smell, meaning it does not smell bad.
Appearance:  7/10, Gives good head (like your Mum!) and is amber gold, like Fez
Taste:  8/10, A little sweet.  Twinge of caramel, malt, and...toffee?
Palate:  3/5, Low carbonation.  Almost no after-taste.
Overall:  23/30

In Closing:  Delicious, flavorful, yet light.  You could drink a whole six-pack while running a daycare with no effect.   Nothing too special but on the better end of MillerCoors' arsenal.  Will make you the classiest mother fucker in the whole trailer park.

Good for:  A budget.  Consume with Vienna sausages and/or Ramen noodles for full appreciation.

Leinenkugel's Snowdrift Vanilla Porter

Name: Snowdrift Vanilla Porter
Brewery: Leinenkugel (Tenth & Blake Beer Co.)
Style: Porter
Location:  Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin
Alcohol:  6%

Quotes:  "Where the fuck is the vanilla?"  "I can really taste the dirt"  "Careful, there's probably coffee grounds in the bottom"

Aroma:  8/10, More coffee and chocolate than vanilla
Appearance:  5/5, Black
Taste:  2/10, see quotes
Palate:  4/5, Aftertaste doesn't linger for more than an hour.
Overall:  19/30

In closing:  I get the "snowdrift" part.  The snow is melted from the heaps collected in Wal-Mart parking lots after a winter storm.  The dirt and sediments that remain are ground and placed in with the coffee grounds after the brewing process.

Good for:  Removing rust from a Ford Tractor.

Devil's Backbone Eight Point IPA

Name:  Eight Point IPA
Brewery:  Devil's Backbone
Style:  India Pale Ale (IPA)
Location:  Roseland, Virginia
Alcohol: 5.9%

Quotes:  "There were dead animals in this cask."  "Old pine sap from a forest fire doused in kerosene and caught on fire again"

Aroma: 6/10, Grassy, Piney
Appearance:  4/5
Taste:  3/10, see quotes
Palate:  3/5, Fills the nostrils with fear and dull flavors of rotting fruit
Overall:  16/30

In closing:  As the box suggests, this beer is best when gently poured over a dead animal found in some tall grass somewhere.

Good for:  Making your in-laws sick